Archive for January, 2016


MRI

Every now and then on TV you’ll see someone going headfirst into one of those big ol’ MRI machines. Typically, when you see that it means “This person is sick. Very sick.”

Well, that’s going to be me in the near future.

My headache hasn’t abated, and as it’s been nearly a month now the doctor thinks getting it imaged would be a good idea. I’m inclined to agree.

Worse than the pain itself has been the anxiety of not knowing what’s going on inside my head. It’s all I can think about, and that’s not healthy.

What I’d love is for this headache to go away and never come back. But since there’s no sign of that happening imminently, a fine consolation prize would be the knowledge that nothing is seriously wrong.

With that in mind, tomorrow I go to fill out the necessary paperwork. I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait after that, but hopefully not long. I’m having enough trouble coping with this as it is.

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A Rock And A Hard Place

It’s crazy to think that I’ve been in school for nearly 21 years at this point.

It’s even crazier to think that after all this time, I only have three months left. My last exam will be on April 18th, and barring anything unforeseen, that will be when my academic career ends.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand, I’m getting tired of school. School is even more full time than most full time jobs. You don’t get to leave it behind at 5:00. It’s with you in the morning, it’s with you in the afternoon, it’s with you in the evening, and quite regularly it’s with you until right before you go to bed.

And school doesn’t pay particularly well. Being in a position where you have no reliable income stream isn’t fun. ¬†Every time I purchase anything at all, I have to bear in mind that I’m exploiting a non-renewable resource, and that the $20 or $40 or $60 I’m spending will not find its way back into my bank account at the end of the week. It would be nice to be in a position where I can spend modestly and be comfortable in the knowledge that my paycheque will more than make up for it at the end of the week.

At the same time, I’m not racing to get out of here. School is all I’ve ever known, and right now the real world is one big unknown to me. I might be looking forward to it if I’d managed to land a job in August or September or October or November or December, but I didn’t. Right now I’m staring at a choice between being unemployed and returning to my summer employer, which would mean committing to living at home until June 2017, with all that entails.

It’s the old “stuck between a rock and a hard place” scenario. It’s not so great in here, but it’s not looking all that great on the other side either. Might as well make the most of these last three months, right?

A New Headache

Normally when I complain about a headache I’m speaking in figurative terms. The job search I’m going through, for example, is a headache.

This headache though is of the literal variety. It’s been ongoing for twelve days now and counting, and shows no signs of abating. It’s all concentrated in the back-left quadrant of my head, and although the pain isn’t severe, it’s constant. No form of medication seems to have any impact on it.

The doctor I saw about it was just as perplexed as I am, and if it doesn’t resolve on its own in the next two weeks the next step will be to get it imaged to make sure there’s nothing seriously wrong.

As you can imagine, I’m scared about this. And with that comes all of the usual side effects of anxiety. I’m finding it very hard to focus on anything other than my head right now, and as a result I’m having a tough time right now.

I just want this to go away so I can feel like myself again.