Thursday and Friday were stressful. Submitting 38 applications was tedious, and time consuming, and generally unpleasant.

But when the 5:00 deadline passed, it felt like a load off my shoulders. I was able to go home from work that day and just relax for once. I could sit on the couch, turn on the TV and not worry about having to write up cover letters. For the first time in weeks, I had nothing do to. And that felt good.

The feeling lasted about 24 hours.

Last night, my grandfather had to be taken to the hospital. The information I’ve heard has been very mixed. Yesterday night it sounded like whatever it was seemed to have passed, and that he was likely to be released. This morning I was told that he had an infection of some sort and would need to stay in the hospital for some time. This afternoon it sounded like he was feeling close to normal.

Then this evening I went to see him, and it scared the shit out of me. When I walked into the room, everyone was deathly silent. My grandfather was having severe chest pains. He kept moaning and clutching at his chest. There were seven of us in the room, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether we were all sitting there watching him have a heart attack. I couldn’t bear to look.

The pain passed after a time. It could have been five minutes, it could have been twenty. I don’t know. And for a little while he was in good spirits. And then the pain came back. And then it passed again.

Now it’s all I can think about. I’m worried, and I’m scared about the phone ringing at 4 AM to tell me something that I don’t want to hear.

I really hope he’s going to be okay.