Archive for April, 2015


What’s In Your Head?

Ever wish you could read minds?

See, there’s this one girl, and I really want to know what’s going on in her head.

I don’t know her name. I don’t know anything about her really other than the fact that she’s in law school and is one year ahead of me.

I’ve been seeing her around for two years now, and in that time she has worn the same outfit to school every single day: A grey hoodie with a pink vest underneath, along with black sweatpants. Literally every single day. No exceptions.

So right off the bat I’m left wondering if she’s a cartoon character. If I opened her closet, would I find a comical collection of 20 identical hoodies, vests, and sweatpants? Or does she simply wear the exact same articles of clothing day after day?

On top of that, every day in class she produces a beverage of some sort. It might be water, it might be juice. I’ve never looked closely enough to tell. But regardless, this beverage is always contained in a plastic Disney Princess sippy cup.

Yes, a sippy cup. The kind generally used by two years olds who lack manual dexterity so that they don’t spill their drinks. One of these things:

sippy cup

Again, I don’t get it. The one explanation I can think of is that perhaps she has a young daughter. But then, why is she drinking from her daughter’s cup? It just leaves me very confused.

And then there are little things. For example, I saw her on the bus once en route to the mall. It’s a 25 minute journey. Once we’d reached the mall, she got off the bus, took 10 steps towards the mall, turned around, and went right back to the bus stop.

Under normal circumstances I probably wouldn’t question it too much, but in light of everything else it just adds to the enigma.

Unfortunately, she’s graduating this summer, and odds are I’ll never see her again. Perhaps some mysteries are better left unsolved.

Half-Nerd

It’s interesting to think about how you might have ended up being a radically different different person if certain influences in your life were absent.

A friend of mine invited me to Gen Con today, a massive gaming convention in Indiana.

It’s unlikely that I’d be able to go even if I wanted to because I’d have to take a couple of days off work to travel to and from the weekend-long event. The thing is, I’m not entirely sure that I even want to. And that made me think.

I’ve never been to a gaming convention before, which is strange. I love gaming and I love the culture that surrounds gaming. Not just video gaming but board gaming and RPGs as well. It seems natural that I’d have been to a ton of these by this point in my life. But I haven’t. Why not?

I think the problem is that I used to (and arguably still do) bend too easily to peer pressure, and between the ages of 12 and 18 when most nerds are embracing who they are, the people I hung out with thought that board games and RPGs were lame. As a result, even though I thought that RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons were cool, I never pursued them as a hobby. I kept up playing video games because those were socially acceptable, but I never ascended to that 2nd tier of nerdness where tabletop RPGs and superhero comics and gaming conventions lie.

Instead I became a half-nerd. Put a controller and a good game in my hands, and you’ll keep me occupied for 80 hours. Give me a good soundtrack and I’ll remember it forever. Put on an anime and I’ll probably watch it, though its been a few years since I’ve done that.

But I’ve never been more of a nerd than that. I still look at cosplayers and TCG devotees with a bit of wistful emotion, but I do it from a distance. I never jumped into that scene when I had the chance.

And it’s weird because I’m dimly aware that in an alternate universe where I was left to my own devices or had a different group of friends in my teenage years, I probably would have gone full nerd at some point in high school and started going to various cons and played Dungeons and Dragons and done all of the other things that come with the territory.

Instead, I’m watching hockey on a Saturday night. I don’t think that’s any better or worse; just different.

The Lowest Form Of Scum

This is probably a bad question to ask on the Internet, but do horrendous ever thoughts pop into your head completely out of nowhere?

I was holding my baby cousin last week, and just for a split-second I thought “You know, I could probably kill this thing in three seconds if I wanted to.” 

Awful, right? And the thought disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. But the fact that such a thought could cross my mind, even involuntarily, left me wondering whether I might be the lowest form of scum on the planet.

There are other ones too. Sometimes I’ll be chatting with a friend, having a perfectly normal conversation, and the thought will pop into my mind: “I wonder what would happen if I punched this person in the face right now.” 

Again, just for a split-second. It’s not like punching people in the face is an impulse I have to resist at all times.

Or if I’m chatting online with someone, occasionally I’ll think “What if out of nowhere I type out the rudest, most insulting message possible and hit SEND?” 

And then poof, the thought is gone and I’m back to whatever conversation I was having.

These thoughts are rare and I’ve never acted or even been tempted to act on any of them, but the fact that they occur at all makes me question my own sanity sometimes.

I occasionally wonder if other people have thoughts like this, but for obvious reasons I don’t make a habit of asking friends whether or not they’ve ever become momentarily aware of their ability to kill infants.

Maybe it’s akin standing on the edge of a cliff. Everyone in that situation thinks about jumping even if they have no suicidal inclinations, right?

Or maybe I’m just a violent lunatic who ought to be locked up. Who knows.