I’m moving back to Kingston in less than two weeks.

I don’t think the reality of it has really set in. I may have moved a bunch of stuff into my new apartment and even spent a couple of nights in it, but it doesn’t really feel like I’m going to be living there in the very near future.

I’m nervous about it, obviously. It’d be a little bit strange if I wasn’t. Even though I feel that things will be different this time around, I don’t really have any evidence to back that up. Although I’ll be in class with law students instead of undergrads, I’m not convinced that there’s any difference. Eight years ago I was told that those jokers from elementary school wouldn’t be around in high school, but they still showed up. And then four years ago I was told that the jokers from high school definitely wouldn’t be there in university, and yet there they were. So now that I’m being told that the jokers from undergrad won’t show up in professional school, you’ll have to forgive me for being skeptical.

Fortunately, I won’t be living in residence next year. That was one of the most difficult things about Queen’s the first time around. It was tough being surrounded by people who I didn’t particularly like and who didn’t really like me either for that year, so I’m grateful not to have to repeat that experience.

But this year I’m living alone, and that prospect worries me. I’ve never lived alone before. Sure, I’ve had a residence room to myself before, but when your friends are all living ten metres down the hallway you never really feel alone. This year I will be, and that’s probably what I’m most afraid of. In previous years, I was never forced to be alone. At Chestnut if I didn’t feel like being alone, all I had to do was knock on a few doors, and as long as it wasn’t 3 AM I’d have some company. But this year I’m going to be alone for long stretches of time, especially in the evenings, and I’m going to have to learn to deal with that. It’s not that I don’t like being alone – sometimes that’s all I want – but having it forced on me kind of sucks.

Last time around a few key activities helped to keep me sane. Ball hockey, fencing, and curling were generally the best part of my week. But the first year of law school is going to be much busier than the first year of undergrad, and it’s going to be tough to fit all of these into my schedule. And all that just means more time on my own.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m going in with a bad attitude. I’m trying really hard not to. I just can’t help thinking how much happier I’d be right now if I was moving back to downtown Toronto in two weeks.