Might as well pile the shit on. Test my mental fortitude or whatever.

I did worse on the LSAT this time around. One point worse, but even still.

Obviously this has a number of effects, none of which are any good for me. For one thing, it leaves me with a 162 – not good enough for U of T, and barely good enough for the other Canadian schools. And while I haven’t officially heard back from U of T yet, the writing is on the wall. I’d be foolish to have any hope. My options for next year are going to be even further reduced, and I’m going to miss out on the school that was a clear #1 choice for me.

But perhaps even more significant is the blow to my confidence that this has dealt me.

I said it right from the beginning. I tend to kill these standardized tests. The EQAO, PACE, SSAT, SAT, and the LNAT. I wrote them all, and I knocked each and every one of them out of the ballpark. But this LSAT…

Perhaps I should have been more afraid of it. On my first two practice tests I posted scores of 157 and 160, but I chalked that up to the fact that they were just practice tests, and there was no real pressure on me. And then I wrote the first LSAT. The first half of that first test felt really great, and I had that same feeling of “I am killing this bitch” that I usually get when writing these sorts of tests. But the second half knocked me right onto my ass. One section in particular just left me completely stunned. The 162 I scored was better than I expected, but I knew that I was capable of more.

When I saw the score on my second LSAT, I took it pretty hard. But even still I convinced myself that I was capable of a much better score. After all, I just hadn’t practiced enough. Yeah, that’s it. If only I practiced more, I would have done much better.

But this time, I gave it my all. I went 2/3 times per week to an LSAT tutor. I really did all I could. And I still came up well short.

And I guess that means that I’m just not good enough. God, it pains me just to type those words. But I’ve tried this thing three times and posted 162,162, 161. At this point, I think I have to admit that that’s all I’m capable of.

So, the LSAT took me down. As much as I wanted to destroy this damned test, I just wasn’t good enough, and now I have to live with it.

Yeah. This stings.