I’m going to level with you guys: Those last two blogs were shit. When I complain about something, I try to do it in a way that’s full of both humour and hate. Those last two were just childish and spiteful.

But fear not, my friends, for I’m out to redeem myself with this one. It’s a story that I’ve told before, but it is nevertheless an awesome one.

Upon finishing an utterly forgettable dinner at the good old residence, me and several friends made our way back to the elevators so that we could return to the twelfth floor.

As often happens during that treacherous 20 metre walk, two people became separated from the group, lagging behind to grab an apple or check tomorrow’s menu. The elevator arrived, and they were still at the other end of the room.

Then an event occurred which changed everything: Another woman (let’s call her a bitch) spoke up in that bitchy tone of voice that bitches often use. You know, that really nasally one. Yeah, that’s it.

“Hurry up and get inside the elevator and close the doors!” she said.

Up until that moment I would have been perfectly willing to let the doors close. My friends could have caught the next elevator, after all. And failing that, well… that’s what stairs are for, right?

But upon hearing the bitch speak, I stuck out my left arm in order to hold the doors open. I pointed at her and said “Just because you said that…” and waited for the two stragglers to arrive. They appreciated having the door held for them. Bitch was less pleased. She gave me one of the greatest eyerolls of all time in a futile attempt to burn a hole in my forehead.

That alone would have been sufficient, but then an event occurred which almost never does: The elevator stopped on the 2nd floor. Since the second floor is off limits to students, and since it’s easily accessible via escalator, you rarely see the elevator stop on floor 2. But it did, and the doors opened to reveal a small Asian man wheeling a large dish-laden trolley.

The man gave us that hesitant look “Oh-gee-whiz-I’m-not-sure-I-can-fit” look, and it appeared as though he would have to wait for the next elevator.

But I was on a mission, my friends!

“Please, join us!” I implored him. “Plenty of room in here!”

Thrilled by this invitation, the man slowly wheeled his trolley into the elevator, and pushed the button for floor 3. Moments later, I helped him slowly wheel his trolley out.

If looks could kill, I would not have survived the rest of that elevator ride. As it happened, the elevator proceeded to the 12th floor without any further interruption. I considered pulling a Will Ferrell in Elf move, but decided against it as I felt it would be crossing the line between hilarious and douchebaggy. Nevertheless, upon disembarking, I was applauded by my floor 12 allies for my actions.

Like I’ve said, you don’t need to ruin someone’s life to get back at them. Sometimes a Little Vengeance is enough.

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