I’ve never been a fan of peaceful protest, to be honest.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for democracy and free speech and all that palaver, but there are better ways to do it.

The problem with peaceful protest is that it usually isn’t peaceful. Yes, it’s peaceful in the sense that it’s non-violent, but it’s not peaceful in the sense of being tranquil. That’s where I have a problem.

See, I’m something of a utilitarian in the fact that I don’t really give a shit what you do as long as you’re not fucking with anyone. Take throwing bricks, for example. I have no problem with someone whose idea of a good time is throwing bricks into the air, so long as:

  1. The person owns the bricks which he is throwing.
  2. The person does not disturb other people with his brick-throwing.
  3. The person does not throw bricks at other people.

The brick thrower might claim “Hey, it’s a free country. I can do whatever the hell I want.” But that’s not how it works. Your freedom to throw bricks into the air ends where it negatively impacts other people. That’s just how life works. In the same way, my freedom to flail my arms wildly through the air ends where your face begins. Simple, right?

So, with regards to peaceful protest, your freedom to yell at the top of your lungs ends where my ears begin. If you’re angry about some shit that’s going down in Ethiopia, go yell at the people involved. Do not, for example, start shouting “SHAME ON YOU!” in front of a student residence where hundreds of students are busy preparing for exams. I assure you that by doing so you will make many more enemies than friends.

And you might say “How else are we supposed to affect change in society?”, to which I reply “Dude, this is Canada.”

I mean, think about it. How often does something actually worth protesting occur in this country? Very rarely. I mean, the most divisive thing in this country is probably Jack Layton’s moustache. I mean seriously, look at that thing. Is he evil? Is he just misunderstood? Perhaps we’ll never know. The point is that this is a very boring country, politically speaking. That’s a good thing, mind you. The alternative to being boring is being exciting, like Libya and Egypt.

But this is Canada, and I’ll guarantee you two things. First, that whatever you’re protesting isn’t worth protesting, and second, that your protesting will almost certainly have no effect at all other than to piss people off.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to sabotage some angry Ethiopians, for I am a cruel and vindictive man.