There’s this guy in my Spanish class named Andrew.

Andrew is a nerd, but he’s not the jovial sort of nerd that I’ve been known to hang out with occasionally. He’s one of those arrogant I’m-better-than-you-are nerds who take life way too seriously.

Why was Andrew deserving of a Little Vengeance? Well, it’s not so much that he’s done anything to offend me personally. Instead, it’s the way that he acts in class that has earned him a spot on my List.

For one thing, Andrew is one of those guys who kisses the professor’s ass constantly. If the professor attempts a joke, Andrew laughs. If the rest of the class laughs too, Andrew makes sure to laugh louder so that his laughter can be heard above all others. That sort of thing.

Andrew also doesn’t believe in helping out his fellow students unless it benefits him. For example, if you ask him for help with something, he’ll always either refuse or tell you that he doesn’t know the answer. This happens even if he has the answer right in front of him.

Tied in with the previous point is that Andrew enjoys seeing other people in his class fail. If someone gets a question wrong, Andrew will snicker. If someone asks a question because they don’t understand the material, Andrew will snicker. The snicker itself is bad enough, but in addition to his snicker he also gets this shit-eating grin on his face and, strangest of all, starts rocking back and forth uncontrollably in his chair. I love hyperbole as much as anyone, but I’m not exaggerating at all here – he actually starts rocking back and forth in his chair. It’s really weird.

Anyhow, today the professor announced that we would be having a pop quiz in class. “You only have ten minutes to finish, so you’ll have to work quickly!” he said in Spanish. The professor handed some quizzes to the students on one side of the room and asked that  they be passed around. I happened to be seated in a position where I was the second last to receive a quiz, and the only person I would have to pass to was Andrew.

You know how sometimes two pieces of paper can get “stuck” together, and it takes an unusual amount of effort to separate them? Well that’s what happened as I tried to pass a quiz over to Andrew. At first it was accidental, but then I saw how Andrew was reacting to this delay. He had started rocking back and forth in his seat with that shit-eating grin on his face, and making some sort of strange noises. I couldn’t possibly explain these noises. Just mash your keyboard a few times and try to pronounce whatever the result is. You won’t be too far off.

Once I saw his reaction, I decided to milk it for all it was worth. I fumbled with the sheets, desperately trying to separate them, but to no avail. Oh whoops, I just dropped some. Clumsy me! Hold on, let me grab those. Oh, I think I’ve got a corner… yes! Oh no, I lost it! Gah! This is so frustrating!

All told I struggled with the paper for about fifteen seconds, during which Andrew kept rocking back and forth constantly and making weird noises. Fifteen seconds doesn’t sound like much, but it was all I needed. With only ten minutes to write the quiz, the fact that Andrew had lost a whole quarter of a minute (on top of whatever time it took for the sheets to reach me) had clearly rattled him. Once I finally handed him a  quiz, the shit-eating grin was nowhere to been seen.

 

You don’t need to destroy someone in order to get back at them. Sometimes a Little Vengeance is all you need.

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