Tonight I have a brief anecdote demonstrating how sometimes even the smallest morsels of revenge can be incredibly satisfying.

It all started yesterday at around 5:30. I was in my residence building, and had pressed the elevator button in order to go down for dinner. I have a 6:00 class on Wednesdays, you see, and thus need to eat early on Wednesdays, or not at all. After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator door opened. As soon as it had opened, however, it immediately began to close, indicating that whoever was inside was holding down the Close Door button in order to speed up their journey at my expense.

Little did they they know that I’m secretly a fucking fox. I bolted to the elevator door and stuck my arm in to prevent it from closing. The elevator doors, not wanting to crush my arm, immediately opened up again, revealing the faces of two bitches who were clearly disappointed that I had foiled their plot. I wanted to say “BITCHES! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”, but that seemed excessive, so instead I opted to give them a dirty look.

I finished my dinner in peace. It was some sort of rice/beef/corn dish. As far as residence food goes, it was pretty good. Anyhow, I was preparing to leave, but then I looked to the left. Guess who I saw? The bitches, that’s who! They were headed towards the fruit area. Seeing my chance, I sped up my pace and passed them at the last moment, snatching the tongs just before bitch #1 could. I timed it so that they would know that it was deliberate. I then took my time selecting the best fruits, leaving them with the dregs of the bowl: some small bits of honeydew and the white bits of watermelon.

I wasn’t even hungry for fruit. I was hungry for revenge. And boy was it sweet.