Man, what an awful week. I spent most of it on a couch, recovering from that aforementioned surgery.

Here’s the problem though. When I’m alone for hours and hours on end with nothing to do, I start to worry about stuff. My arm, in this case. It’s been bugging me for nearly four months now, and three different experts have told me three different things about it. It’s a shoulder injury. It’s tendonitis. My spine is misaligned.

Basically, no one knows what the problem is, but no one thinks it’s anything serious. Because I had so much time on my hands, I tried plugging my symptoms in to Doctor Google.

Yeah. Don’t ever do that. Because according to Doctor Google, I’m dying from three or four different diseases right now. Which makes me worry more.

And then a few days ago my knee started hurting. And my spine. And my neck. My body is betraying me, and I have no idea why. The great medical system of Ontario won’t put any great effort into finding out what’s wrong with me unless my symptoms get worse, unfortunately. So I’m left with vague reassurances that everything will be fine, but no idea of when I can expect to feel better, if at all.

The worst part is that I can’t seem to enjoy anything else right now. I can’t enjoy the company of my friends or family because of the constant fear that something is wrong with me. Fortunately it’s summer now, and I don’t have the added stress of school on my shoulders. That would be almost intolerable.

I just really want to feel like myself again, because this isn’t a way of life that I can maintain in the long term.

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