14 days, 14 hours, 14 minutes, and 14 seconds until The Queen’s Experiment wraps up.

Lately I’ve been wondering two things:

1. Was coming to Queen’s a mistake?
2. Do I regret it?

The two often go hand-in-hand, but not always. You can make mistakes that you don’t regret making, and you can regret things that weren’t mistakes. I’d like to tackle these two questions briefly right now, if you don’t mind.

Was coming to Queen’s a mistake? Was it the wrong course of action? I have to yes to this one. If it wasn’t a mistake, I wouldn’t be taking the necessary steps to correct it for next year.

It’s funny because I put so much effort into making the right choice. I put an incredible amount of effort into it. I put so much effort into answering that question correctly that it made me sick. I came up with cost-benefit analysis charts and pro-con tables. I toured each school multiple times. I spoke with people who attended each school and got their opinions. I read over every pamphlet and brochure, gathering every bit of data possible. I spent hours and hours thinking about it and took every imaginable precaution to make sure that I was making the right choice and that I wouldn’t be transferring after one year. 

And in spite of all that, I blew it. I made the wrong decision.

I over-thought it. That’s what went wrong. It’s like that Coldplay song: "I was just guessing at numbers and figures/Pulling the puzzles apart." I tried to be scientific about it, and in doing so I completely forgot about what really matters to me: "Questions of science, science and progress/Did not speak as loud as my heart."

What do you know? I guess Coldplay can be right every now and then.

So now the second question: Do I regret coming to Queen’s?

And that’s a tough one to answer. Although it’s been a less-than-ideal year for me, I don’t think I can come to a definite answer on this question right now. The thing is, I’ve had some good times here, and met some good people. I learned how to fence and how to curl. Had I gone to U of T, would I have met those people? Would I have learned how to fence or curl? Almost certainly not.

The other thing is that regret is relative. Sure, I regret coming to Queen’s, but would I have regretted not going to Queen’s more? I know myself, and I know that if I was at U of T right now I’d be on Facebook, looking at the statuses of people who are at Queen’s, and thinking to myself "I could’ve been there. I could’ve been a part of that." I think about the road not taken a lot. All of the "what-ifs" and "could-have-beens" are forever circling in my head. So I know for sure that I would have regretted not going to Queen’s as well. The question is, which is greater? The regret I feel for going to Queen’s, or the regret I would have felt for not going to Queen’s? There’s no answer to that question right now, and I don’t know if there ever will be, because I can’t compare what I’m feeling now to something that I never felt. It’s impossible.

It all depends on next year, I guess. If I’m able to restore Toronto-based friendships that have taken damage over the past eight months while maintaining my relationships with the people that matter to me at Queen’s, I think it’ll be okay.

But that’s just another "if", isn’t it?

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