Human beings have an incredible capacity for learning. I mean, we learn how to walk and talk by the time we’re two, and it keeps building from there. We learn manners, we learn how to act in certain situations, we learn how to elicit a certain reaction from other humans. We learn how to lie, cheat, and steal, and how to get away with it. And we learn most of this just by watching other people and copying them.

Really, we’re amazing.

And yet there are some things that, for whatever reason, we just can’t understand. It differs from person to person. Some people can’t understand science, some people can’t understand curling, and some people can’t understand math.

Me? I can’t understand teenagers. I try to, I really do. I study and study and study but I just can’t wrap my head around them.

What really baffles me is their hypocrisy.

Okay, I need to pause here for a second. I’m well aware that I’ve just committed a cardinal sin:

You can’t call people hypocrites without them saying the same thing back to you, and usually being right about it. We all do hypocritical things every now and then, after all. Take me for example. Just writing this blog is hypocrisy on my part. One of the things I hate most about teenagers is that they’re always calling each other hypocrites without being aware of their own hypocrisy. And what am I doing? Calling all of them hypocrites. My only defence is that I’m aware of my own hypocrisy, but that’s not a great defence, since it still makes me a hypocrite.

So, you’re free to comment on this and call me a hypocrite, but you’d just be wasting your time since I’m already well aware of that.

With that out of the way, let me continue.

I’m often criticized by most of teenagerdom for certain aspects of my behaviour. Like my strong aversion to drinking, for example.

And they scoff at me whenever I tell them what my idea of fun is. I might propose a shoe-flinging contest, or a water war, or a good old fashioned game of manhunt, depending on the occasion.

"Childish," they say. It’s an accurate criticism.

But it’s also bullshit, because that’s not how they feel about my version of fun at all.

I mean, how else do you explain this:

The same people that tell me that fun = drinking, and laugh at me for thinking otherwise, are going to be hitting each other on the head with foam weapons in two weeks. I don’t know what to think of this, other than to call them a bunch of hypocrites.

I have a theory: A lot of people are more like me than they’d like to admit.

I think that a lot of people have this inner twelve year old who they want to let out, but are afraid to because it isn’t socially acceptable. And I think that at least a few people that I know like me because they can act like they’re twelve around me and I won’t bat an eye.

Am I being conceited here? Am I way off the mark?

Damned if I know. Teenagers confuse the hell out of me.