It’s a funny thing.
 
I’ve recently said (though not on this blog) that Woodbridge is the worst place to be on Halloween. And yet this year – the first year that I have the ability to be away from Woodbridge on Halloween – not only am I planning to be in Woodbridge for Halloween, but I’m going out of my way to be in Woodbridge for Halloween.
 
As you all know, Woodbridge is full of terrible people. On Halloween, those terrible people become so much worse.
 
Okay, I get it. It’s Halloween. People everywhere do stupid things. But in Woodbridge we take it to a level where it’s not funny anymore. Egging and toliet papering houses is an awful thing to do, but those activities pale in comparison to some of the other things Woodbridgers do to amuse themselves on Halloween.
 
In Woodbridge, we like to scare the shit out of each other on Halloween. Before you say "duh.", let me clarify that: 
 
There are two types of scary on Halloween. The first type involves putting on a hideous mask and leaping out from some dark corner, yelling loudly. This type of scary is completely permissible. That’s what Halloween is supposed to be about. I mean, I don’t think that people should go around trying to scare six year olds who just want some candy to the point of making them cry, but for the most part, this type of scary is fine.
 
The other type of scary, which disgusts me and makes me ashamed to be from Woodbridge is this: A person will go around wearing black, but with no mask. They’ll wait in a spot with few passerby. When he sees a small group of people (often a mother and a child or two) he’ll approach them in such a way that group knows that he’s walking directly at them. When he gets close enough, he’ll put his hand into his jacket as if withdrawing a firearm, while continuing to walk towards them. When he gets right up to the group, he’ll pull his hand out quickly, revealing that he is unarmed and say something like "Happy Halloween" before walking away.
 
Where do I begin with this?
 
1. You should never make another human being fear for his or her life.
2. You should never make a child fear for his or her life.
3. You should never make a parent fear for the life of his or her child.
 
That kind of thing isn’t funny. In addition to not being funny, it’s also highly illegal. And every year there’s a police helicopter searching Woodbridge for the half dozen people or so who are just that retarded. Two years ago, one particular retard decided that my sister, her friend, and her friend’s mother would be perfect targets for this. That guy is very lucky that I wasn’t with them. I’m not a violent person, but if you threaten my family, you’re getting your ass kicked. And one day, one of these fucks is going to cross the wrong parent and end up seriously hurt. And I will be very happy.
 
 
 
Why on earth, then, would anyone choose to be in Woodbridge for Halloween?
 
And the reason is this: As I explained recently, Queen’s people have thus far proved themselves to be just as bad as, if not worse than, Woodbridge people. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Halloween at Queen’s has the potential to be One Of The Worst Nights In Recent Memory. Being here for Halloween is something that must be avoided at all costs.
 
The problem is that I have a psychology midterm to write at 6:00 this evening, and the bus home leaves at 6:30. So unless I mange to finish a 75-minute test in under half an hour, I can’t take the bus. Normally this would mean that I’m stuck at Queen’s for the weekend, but I can’t allow that to happen.
 
So instead, I’m going to take a cab after the test to the train station, and take the next train to Toronto home. Taking the train isn’t cheap, but it’s necessary. I refuse to spend Halloween here.
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