Archive for August, 2008


Fears

You know what I’ve realized recently?
 
Of course you don’t know. I haven’t told you yet, silly. But I will now.
 
 
I’ve realized that people scare me. Not all people scare me, mind you, but quite a few do. And those that don’t often make me feel nervous or otherwise unpleasent.
 
 
 
Typical scenario: I’m walking down the street, and someone will be walking towards me. While they’re still far away, I’m not scared, just on edge. The first step is to identify the gender of the individual, followed by their approximate age, and followed by any other potentially useful pieces of information. Do they walk with a limp? Are they carrying anything? Are their eyes focused straight ahead or are they looking around? That sort of thing.
 
When they get within 10 metres, I get a little more worried, but I’m still okay as long as they don’t make eye contact.
 
If they make eye contact, I’m screwed. My heartrate spikes, my breathing stops for a moment, and my legs go stiff. It takes all my mental power to convince myself that this person isn’t out to get me and to keep walking.
 
I don’t know why this happens. It’s odd.
 
Some people are different though. Usually when it’s someone around my age or younger I don’t get scared. Instead I get really self-concious. I start asking myself questions. Are my shoelaces tied? Am I walking straight enough? Why can’t I stop staring at this person? Stuff like that. But usually my obsessing over trivialities is pointless. More often than not by focusing on how straight I’m walking, I’ll end up triping over myself. Or by trying not to stare at someone, I’ll look away and nearly walk into a pole or a wall or something.
 
It’s like I feel some sort of need to impress these random strangers who I won’t remember for longer than five minutes. I don’t get it.
 
Also strange is that some of my friends scare me or make me nervous sometimes. I don’t enjoy the feeling.
 
 
 
 
Alright, I know. The topic of passing people on the sidewalk isn’t that interesting. One week until school.

Mr. Feeny Would Object

I think that TV has screwed me over just a bit. It’s given me a warped sense of reality.
 
On TV you’ve got these great over-the-top characters. Eric Matthews of Boy Meets World fame comes to mind. Slightly psychotic, but a funny and lovable guy overall. If you watch these shows religiously, as I do, you find yourself thinking "Man, I wish I was Eric."
 
Or maybe it’s just me.
 
Whatever the case, I’ve found myself thinking "Man, I wish I was <Insert character name here>." before. And what’s stopping me? You can be whatever you want, right?
 
The thing is this: in real life, characters like Eric Matthews aren’t funny or lovable. They’re just weird. No one on earth could pull a character like that off in real life. On TV you’re sort of expecting Eric’s antics. Even though you don’t know what’s about to happen, when he proposes to his brother’s fiance, it’s funny. In real life, if something like that happens it’s a family emergency.
 
That’s a bit of an extreme example. But if you’re up at 2:10 am (12:10 MST. ahem.), flick on the Family Channel and watch an episode of Boy Meets World (Trust me, it has nothing in common with those "annoying" Family shows.). You’ll see what I mean. Eric is an oddball in every way. The way he talks to his friends, his parents, his teachers, etc. That can’t exist in real life. I challenge anyone in the world to try and pull some of Eric’s lines in a real life situation. You can’t do it.
 
But for some reason I decided to try being the oddball character. Only for a brief period, mind you, but I tried. And you know what? I was awesome at it. I said every line with perfect timing. The TV audience was in stitches.
 
Only there was no TV audience. All I got were weird looks cast in my direction. To everyone else, I guess this would come as no surprise. But to me it’s huge. That’s confusing to me on two counts.
 
Firstly, why do such entertaining characters get shunned in real life?
 
Secondly, and more importantly, why am I the only person on earth who doesn’t know the seemingly obvious answer to the first question?
 
 
 
 

So…

Is it September yet?
 
It’s been an unfortunate summer. Rainy, cold, and generally unfun. September can’t come fast enough. I’m actually psyched for school this year. Seriously.
 
I have one year left of high school, right? My resolution for this last year is to try everything and anything that even remotely appeals to me. Will I bite off more than I can chew? Almost certainly, and on multiple occasions. But that’s the whole point. I don’t want to look back and say "Man, I wish I had tried that in high school." Embarrassment sucks, but regrets suck big ones. If my marks suffer a tad, oh well. In my mind, my friend’s 85 is worth more than my 90 because he does everything. He organizes large funraisers, helps out Free the Children by going to Kenya, acts in the school play, does DI, and about a billion other things. That’s what I have to do next year. Everything.
 
But for now, I have to wait. Two and a half more weeks.
 
 
 
 
 
 
So… How about those Disney Channel Games? I think I’ll say a quick word on those some other time. For now, I just have one question?
 
 
 
Is it hockey season yet?
 

Porom and Palom

Okay, so I’m about a decade late in blogging about this, but I’ve just gotten around to playing Final Fantasy IV this week (via the excellent DS remake), and I have to say, whoa.
 
Not "wow". "Whoa".
 
I play a lot of video games, in case you haven’t noticed. A lot of RPGs, too. These are games that pride themselves on strong character development and thrilling storylines. Some of these are more thrilling than others, of course. Games like Chrono Trigger feature several heart-wrenching plot twists that cannot really be described.
 
But get this:
 
Final Fantasy IV features a ton of playable characters that have a tendency to leave and join your party at random. That’s not unusual in RPGs. Not common, mind you, but not unheard of either.
 
Anyhow, about a quarter of the way through the game you end up getting these two little twins on your team named Porom and Palom. 5 years old. They happen to be kickass mages, as it happens, but that’s a little besides the point. You carry these guys with you for quite a few hours, and so you start to get used to them being around.
 
A little later, it happens. Your team of five ends up getting trapped in a small room, and guess what? The walls start closing in! Oh no! Common scenario, right?
 
Here’s how it gets solved: After a bit of panicking, Porom and Polom decide on a cunning plan. They say goodbye to their friends and thank them for all that they’ve done, and then they place themselves next to the walls and turn themselves to stone, halting the walls.
 
Now then, the death of main characters does happen in video games. The death of 5 year olds though? That’s almost unheard of. Worse is the fact that they don’t come back after a few minutes, a la Harry Potter. They stay as stone. One minute they’re happily slaying archfiends, and the next they’re gone forever. Video games aren’t supposed to do that.
 
Oh, it gets even worse though. If you revisit that room at any point in the game, you can still see their stone bodies against the walls of that room. And then the game lets you try to use items on them in order to revive them, but nothing works. It’s impossible to bring them back, but the game gives you the option of trying. Can you believe that?
 
 
 
Never before in my life have I been so abused by a video game. Whoa.

I’m Seventeen

I hate change. Really, I do. If I could freeze time and keep everything the same for all eternity, I would not hesitate to do so.
 
If this were a movie, my wish would be granted by an old sage and I would enjoy life at first but would later come to realize that change is necessary. I would go back to the sage and beg him to reverse the wish, and he would do so. "Be careful what you wish for!" would be the moral of the story, and everyone would go home happy and put on their favourite cotton pajamas before heading off to bed. La-di-da.
 
But this isn’t a movie, and there isn’t a lesson to be learned here. Change seems to bring everything that I enjoy to an end. I’d much rather the world stay the same. Even in an unchanging world, there’s plenty of variety. Today I could go to the movie theatre. Tomorrow I could go to the mall. The next day I could go on vacation. Everyday would be August 2nd, 2008, but everyday would be a new day. No one aging, no one dying, no one being born. While we’re at it, before we freeze time, let’s cure every disease so that no one is in constant pain for all of eternity.
 
I’m turning 18 next spring, and that’s the scariest thing ever for me. I’m more scared than I was when I turned 16, or 13, or even 10.
 
18 is bad. 18 means adult. This is ridiculous! I’m not supposed to be an adult! I’m not supposed to take on responsibilities and civic duties! I’m supposed to be a kid! This wasn’t in the job description! I was misinformed by my people! Does not compute! Failure to communicate! I demand a recount!
 
They can’t make me change, but at the same time I can’t stop myself from doing so. Curse this human nature.