Hola fuckslabs.
Lemme introuduce you kids to another friendship blog. Just shut the hell up and keep reading.
So, there are three main classifications of friendship that a person can be in:
1. The Superior Friendship
In this type of friendship, you call all the shots. You’re the boss, and you tell your friend what to do, who to hang out with, etc. This system is mutually beneficial. You get to run someone’s life, and they learn valuable life skills. For example, I’ve had a few mates in this type of a friendship. I got to own them at pretty much everything that exists, and they got to learn how to own. Get it? One tricky thing about this type of a friendship though: It rarely lasts long. Eventually the other person will get fed up of being your bitch and demand more. Then you’ve got a choice: Tell them to fuck the fuck off and find a new friend, or be a pussy and offer them equal terms.
2. The Equal Friendship
Friendship for pussies. In this type of friendship, no one dominates the other. Everything is equal, and happy. This is how you make lifelong friends. Good if you’re into that kind of thing, I guess, but bad if you want to hurt people.
3. The Inferior Friendship
Now I know what you kids are thinking: "Say Kak, isn’t being inferior worse than being equal? Wouldn’t you be more of a pussy that way?" to which I respond: "No, you fucking queefag idiot. Shave your vagina, grow a fucking brain, and then come back and talk to me. I can wait."
Alright, I’ll assume that each and every one of you is now clean-in-between and is capable of basic fucking logic. See, if you want to be friends with someone for whatever reason, this is the best way to start out. Say "I’m your bitch." Who in their right minds would turn down such an offer? A free bitch? Man, I wish I got free bitches daily… Oh wait, I do. And I’ve got ten spare ones inside my closet. And only three of them actually know where they are. And none of them care. But I digress. People like it when you’re their bitch. Complement them, defend them from their enemies, praise their accomplishments, and the like. It takes some time, but eventually they’ll come to like you. Back in my dreamassassins days, I had to initiate such a friendship with Master S, and oh how fucking brilliant I was. Anyhow, maybe they’ll offer you equal terms after a while, and maybe they won’t. It doesn’t matter. Either way you can play them for a fool and take everything from them.
Or, y’know. You could live happily ever after. Pussyfag.
Just remember: If you’re gonna commit a crime, make it something outrageous. Why? If someone says: "That man stole my wallet!" everyone will believe it. If someone says: "That man used a pneumatic drill to break into the San Diego zoo and steal Lucky the Zebra, and then sold Lucky to Aranian merchants for $20,000, and used that money to finance development of his gun that can kill without firing bullets, and used that gun to assassinate Queen Elizabeth!" No one will believe you. Except Michael Moore.