Archive for September, 2007

Now Suppose This:

Let’s suppose, for an instant, that you could have your life exactly the way you want it, but only for a week.
For one week, magically your life would become perfect in every aspect, to the point where there is absolutely nothing else that you could desire in order to make your life better.
After the week is finished, however, your life would go back to normal, and the only person with any recollection of the week’s events would be yourself.
The price for this perfection? Nothing. It’s a free service. The conditions?
1. You can only have it done once. 
2. You cannot split up the week into seven days spaced out throughout your life.
3. The change must begin right now. You cannot wait ten or twenty years to accept. You must accept or reject right now.
Would you, or would you not accept this?
A simple question, but a terrible one as well. The situation is lose/lose.
If you accept, then you will have the time of your life, and realize every aspiration and dream that you have ever had. When it is over, unfortunately, it will have been exactly like a dream, since you will be the only one to remember what happened. Even worse, perhaps, is the fact that you will never in your lifetime have as much joy in your life as you had during that one week. The best days of your life will be behind you.
If you reject, then you will never know what you missed. Your sense of curiosity can never be fulfilled, since you cannot take up this offer again at a later time. As such, your curiosity will eat at you constantly, and the longer it remains unchecked, the more it will grow and consume. Even worse, perhaps, is the fact that even though your best days are still ahead of you, you know deep down that your life can never be perfect, and that you can never have what you want in life.
In case one, you may be driven to suicide.
In case two, you may be driven to insanity.
In either case, you will be unhappy.
Since we in the real world do not have such a choice, were are kept constantly confused.
We wonder: "Are my best days ahead of me, or have they already passed?", and we have no way of knowing the answer.
We realize that we are ultimately unable to seize the type of life that we want.
We will never be truly satisfied with our lives, because it is human nature to always desire more out of life, even when "more" is impossible, for whatever reason.
If we can never be satisfied, then what is the point of living?
It is a rather disquieting thought, my friends.

Conversation #8

Apo:"s3c0ndh4nd, I need to talk to you about something."
s3h: "Yes, what is it?"
Apo: "It’s about… you."
s3h: "Me? What about me?"
Apo: "It’s just that I’ve noticed your blogs becoming a little odd recently."
s3h: "How so?"
Apo: "Look, read ‘Life Before Death’, ‘Condemnation’, ‘The Ultimate Evil’, and ‘Time Spent on Hate’. The topics that you’re focusing on are darker than usual in those four. You keep urging people to live life to its fullest, and then telling them that no matter what, they will never be good enough. That doesn’t sound like the s3c0ndh4nd I know."
s3h: "If you don’t like what I write, you have no obligation to read."
Apo: "You write whatever is on your mind, right? If these thoughts are in your mind right now, there must be something wrong. Tell me what’s wrong."
s3h: "Nothing is wrong."
Apo: "I’m only going to ask this once: Are you sure?"
s3h: "Yes. Nothing is wrong. Go to sleep."
Apo: "Fine. Goodnight, s3c0ndh4nd."
s3h: "…"
Something is wrong with him, I know it. There’s no way that he’ll tell me or anyone else though, so my best bet is to wait a while and see if this changes. If not, then whatever his problem is should reveal itself.

Human Chew Toys

Hola comrades!
Now, I’ve been asked many times: "Kak, how could you possibly enjoy life as much as you do?" Besides the obvious fact that I am ridiculously spectacular, which helps immensely, there are other things that I do to make life more enjoyable.
Here’s one: I have a chew toy.
He’s a lot like one of the chew toys that dogs have, except he’s human.
Here’s how he works:
You can push him around, destroy his property, threaten him, insult his mother, rape his brother, and he won’t complain much, aside for some squeaking here and there.
He won’t tell anyone, because he knows that only fagitos tell their mommies or teachers about being pushed around.
Some would call what I do to him bullying, but that’s a harsh term. I prefer to think of it as "affectionate nibbling".
Even though they bite and scratch and gnaw their chew toys, dogs love ’em. The dog would never puposely break its chew toy, for then it would have no chew toy. The same goes with me. I would never do anything to seriously harm my chew toy, and I go so far as to protect him from any harm. It would be a tragedy if something were to happen to him, because then I would have no one to chew on.
You might be thinking: "k." Stop thinking if this is the case.
You might also be thinking "How do I get a chew toy?"
Well, you don’t "get" a chew toy. Its actually much easier than that. You just have to find one, and start chewing on him or her.
You’ll need to do some sneaky crap. Find the perfect target. Here are some tips:
-Pick someone who’s the same gender as you. Its much easier, and there’s less of a chance that you’ll be murdered by admins if you do this.
-Don’t pick someone with low self-esteem.
Emos are too easy to break.
-Don’t pick someone with high self-esteem.
These kids are like glass chew toys. Not fun to chew on, and if you do manage to break one, you’ll soon discover that broken glass tastes like blood.
-Don’t pick someone taller than you.
Common sense, really, unless you’re fucked and want to die.
-Don’t pick someone too short.
They’ll be intimidated, and then you’ll have a chew toy that runs away. (Yes, it is fun to have someone who runs away upon seeing you, but the novelty wears off, trust me.)
-Don’t pick the fat kid.
Come on. Be original.
Don’t pick the kid with glasses.
Again, be original. And the kid with glasses is probably a rat.
-Aim for the lower class.
These people are in the lower class because they’re pushovers and were walked all over by everyone who’s in a higher class. You’ll find your chew toy in this class.
-And for fuck’s sake, don’t chew on your chew toy in front of a mod. Show some level of intelligence.
Well, there you have it. Chew toys are great fun, I highly recommend picking one up for yourself. They’re hard to find, but once you do you’ll have a good 1-4 years of fun with him/her.
Enjoy yourselves fucknutters, but remember: Cats make rubbish guide dogs.

Time Spent on Hate

This blog has been a long time in coming, but now it is here.
Recent events have made me realize what a bloody waste of time my life has been thus far.
Yes, yes, I’ve done good things and all, but I simply have not been living life to its fullest, and this, to me, is deeply concerning.
What is most concerning to me is the ridiculous amount of school time that I have simply wasted.
For you to understand, I must refer you to the second most recent Old Entry, dated February 27th, 2006.
Nothing incredibly important is written in that blog. What is important there is the emotion. The hate that I felt for my school at that time.
Like many emotions that were written in the Old Entries, that emotion has faded since then. It was such a powerful emotion, but it faded.
Somehow, hatred turned into strong dislike, which turned into discontentment, which turned into indifference, which turned into neutrality, which turned into grudging respect, which turned into contentment, and which has now turned into passion.
This is what I feel now. Passion. I have come to know that my school truly is the greatest school there is, and that the students of the school are all part of something spectacular.
I want to see glory brought to the school’s teams, I want to see the students of the school succeed, I want to show the world that we are something special.
And, I want to be a part of all of it. I want to bring glory to the school’s teams, I want to be a success, I want to show the world that I am something special.
And yet, it is too late for me.
Because of the amount of time I have wasted.
I spent two full years being unhappy with the school, hating its success, hating everything about it, and I did everything I could to make sure that I was as uninvolved as possible in the school’s process. I entered the school at 8:00, had classes from 8:30 to 2:30, went on the bus at 3:00, and went home. Day after day after day. I was content being like this for two years.
Then a voice in my head started talking to me:
You began with four years at this school. You have already spent two years. What do you have to show for it?
Lots of things.
Such as?
Well, my marks have been kept up, for starters.
Yes, but they aren’t good enough to make anyone care. What else?
I have the good memories that I’ve made here.
Memories are good, but how will they serve you later on in life?
Well, I have my friends, then.
Yes, you have friends, but none of them are loyal enough to maintain contact with you once your time at this school is done. You will lose each and every one of them. You had one loyal friend, but you got rid of him, and now you have none.
There’s still-
There is nothing! Think about it. After the four years are done, school will be finished. You will no longer be a child. You have two years left.
Two years?!? That’s not enough time! How can I do everything that I wish to accomplish in two years?!
You should have thought of that before you wasted the first two years.
Two years… I wasted two years…
Better get to work, then…
There’s no more time to waste…
And so now, through my self-loathing, I have begun working as I have never worked before. I now return home as late as 7:00. I run on the Cross Country team. I am trying to build new friendships. I am trying to enjoy myself as much as possible.
But I am at such a disadvantage. While I was loathing school teams, the other members of the Cross Country team were training, and so all of them are far above me in terms of skill. Friendships were being forged two years ago, while I was busy denouncing everyone else as "preppy faggots". At this time, it is incredibly difficult to forge new ones, as those that have been forged are set in stone already.
My lesson to you is not a new one: Time spent on hate is time gone to waste. Don’t spend your time hating something, do something to make it enjoyable, and make sure you can take something away from the experience. There is absolutely no more time to waste. Childhood does not last very long…  

To Relieve It

This pain is amplified with each passing day. It haunts every waking moment of my life, and then when I sleep, it haunts my dreams. 
Am I truly cursed? Will I never be the greatest at anything?
It is, in part, my fault. By and large, I wasted the first two years of my life, and this has cost me greatly.
I am old now, and many say that it is too late to make up for lost time. They say that I would have had to work from the first day of my life if I wanted to be the best.
And so I am doomed to fail, and cursed to eternal misery.
But there must be another way…
There is another way…
Yes, there is a single opportunity that remains. This is my last stand. I must succeed here…
He will walk with me, and I will walk with him. I shall protect him from anything that would try to harm him. If necessary, I shall give my life for him. I will devote my entire being to him, and to his freedom. Should I fail in my vow to protect him, I shall consider myself unworthy of life. He will put an end, once and for all, to this pain. In my heart, he shall be the greatest.
And he shall be named… Cody.

The Ultimate Evil

Look around you. Just as there is goodness everywhere, there is also evil. Sometimes evil manifests itself in a person, sometimes in a place, and sometimes in an object. Yet, there is something out there, and the evil of this something is far beyond anything imaginable. It is the ultimate evil.
There are evil people in this world. Bellij, for example, is an evil person. He is not the ultimate evil, however.
There are evil places in this world. Wonder Hill, for example, is an evil place. It is not the ultimate evil, however.
There are evil objects in this world. Can openers, for example, are evil objects. They are not the ultimate evil, however.
If the ultimate evil is not Bellij, Wonder Hill, or can openers, what could it be?
Surely it must be Satan, the incarnate of evil? Alas no. Satan is not the ultimate evil either.
You see, for something to be the ultimate evil, it must be unstoppable.
As evil as Bellij is, he can be stopped.
As evil as Wonder Hill is, it can be avoided.
As evil as can openers are, they can be turned off.
As evil as Satan is, he can be shut out of our minds.
But this ultimate evil cannot be stopped. It is unique in that it does not manifest itself in a person, place or thing. Rather, it manifests itself in a state of being.
The ultimate evil, my friends, goes by the term "Puberty"
Puberty is the ultimate evil.
It fully changes and corrupts the childhood mind. It is the supreme destroyer of Innocence. It sweeps the globe, affecting every person at every longitude at latitude on the planet. It cannot be stopped. It can be delayed for several years, if one has the perserverance, but never stopped. What was once beautiful and pure becomes corrupted and foul after puberty has taken its toll.
And, it makes me, one who works for the benefit of mankind, feel utterly helpless. I cannot offer any advice to help you counter it. I have no wisdom to pass along to help you live through it. Nothing. How could I possibly counter a biological time bomb?
It is invincible, and no matter what I do, it will always exist.
Evil, no matter what, will always exist.
Where have I heard that line before…?


You will never be the best at everything. Its a simple fact.
As that commercial says, "Nobody’s good at everything, but everybody’s good at something." As great as this is for one’s self esteem, it also poses a problem.
As far as I know, everyone is indeed good at something or other. Some are skilled when it comes to skiing, some are brilliant at writing, and some have natural skill in video games. Regardless, we all have something, or more than one thing, which we are good at.
But almost always, "good" is simply not good enough. A good skier will not be the star of his or or her school team, a good writer is unlikely to get anything published, and good gamer is unlikely to win any tournaments.
Success in life, therefore, requires being a little better than "good".
So, we must be "great".
Most people are great at one thing, but usually not more than that.
The problem is that being "great" is often not enough either. A great skier will not make it to national level competition, a great writer will not sell many books, and a great gamer will not make it far past small local events.
So, we must be "amazing"
Not everyone is amazing at something, unfortunately.
This isn’t enough either, though, as an amazing skier will not make the podium at the Olympics, an amazing writer will not top any bestseller lists, and an amazing gamer will not win international events.
So, finally, we must be the best.
Very, very few people are the best at whatever they do, but unless you are the best, you can’t truly be happy. We are content for being good, better, and amazing for a time, but then our current level of success grows stale, and we want more. Quite frequently, we cannot have more.
This relates quite easily to relationships.
Often, we are on good terms with someone. Sometimes, we are on great terms with someone. Rarely, we find ourselves on amazing terms with someone.
But, it is never enough. Being second or third in the heart of another is never satisying. We want more.
And yet, the person is often found to be out of reach, or occupied with another. Someone else is the best.
Quite a nightmarish concept, isn’t it?
"You are not the best. You will never be the best, no matter how hard you try, because someone else is the best, and you will never be as good as that person."
This is one problem which I cannot give any advice to counter.
It isn’t at all fair, but sometimes, we are condemned to complete and certain failure.
Such is life.


Kids, this isn’t a full blown RANT, but I am pretty damned pissed off.
I’m walking down the street, minding my own business, when what do I see in the sky? Fireworks. Fucking fireworks!
And why? For Labour Day? You’ve GOT to be shitting me, mates.
Its the last day of summer break. School starts tomorrow.
Fireworks? Fuck the fuck off.

RANT #11: George Bush………..Haters

Whoa mates! I betcha you weren’t expecting me to throw THAT curveball at you!
I’m not here to bash Mr. George DubbleYuh. I’m here to bash the dipturds who bash that great man! Ready? No? Like I give a rat’s ass whether or not you’re ready…
So, word on the street is that them Amerikans are only in Iraq to seize oil and whatnot, and that hundreds of thousnads of Iraqi n00bs are getting pwned because of this. Now then, we have no proof of this. Its entirely possible that Mr. Bush is keeping the troops in Iraq in order to help fix up the country and eliminate terrorism and blah blah blah.
If the latter happens to be the case, then I retract my opinion and say this: George Bush is a whorenutfag.
If it turns out that he is in Iraq for the oil, and that Iraqi dudes and dudettes are dying by the thousands for it, then I have this to say: George Bush is among the greatest pressy dents that the States which are United in Amerika has ever had.
So, let’s assume that its all for the oil? So what? Oil is a damned valuable thing to have. Liquid gold, if you will. Check your local gas station if you don’t believe me (Seriously, I pity today’s youth. Gas prices are at the point where the kiddies of the world are having to choose between a fucking tank of gas and Metroid Prime 3. That PROVES that Western Civilization is in its decline).
Tell me comrades: What exactly is wrong with seizing riches for your country? Does it make you a bad person to give a boost to your countries economy? Are military victories a bad thing?
Unless you’re French, the answer to all three of those questions is "Fuck no!" If you are French, then the answer to the third question is "What is a military victory?"
So, how is Bush an evil overlordroarbeastman?
You could say that hundreds of thousands of Iraqis are dead because of him.
But why does George Bush have to care about Iraqis? George Bush is bossman of a country called Amerika, not Iraqkia. The lives of the Iraqians mean nothing to him. He doesn’t attend funerals for Iraqistanians. He attends funerals for Amerikans every now and then though. As Prez of the U.S., he isn’t obligated to care about any lives other than those of his own citizens.
You could say that a few thousand Amerikans have died because of this war.
Hey! Its war! People die! But guess what? If you only lose 3000 troops and kill over 100,000 enemies, you’re going to win your war.
You could say that he was raised in Texas.
Well… You’ve got me there. Christ, no one’s perfect!
Nah, George is a good guy. He’s bringing glory to his country’s military, and showing the world that you can’t fuck with the States and live. Oil is a good thing, not a bad thing. Unless you’re a world peace supporter. Then, you can go to heaven now and leave me alone.
So why then do about 23 bazillion people hate him?
Here’s the answer: To be cool, and because its fun.
One day, an influential faggot (The worst kind) decided that he needed to start a trend. He had already started the "sex is good" trend, and the "Parents are gay" trend, but these were getting stale. He needed to hate someone, and he needed to hate someone important. "Who could be more important than the President?" he thought…
"George Bush is a fag." He said to the first person he saw the next day. This first person didn’t really believe it, but if such an influential person was saying it, it must be true. Now both the faggot and the person were spreading the message, and it continued to spread and spread and spread. A snowball effect.
More people hate him than love him now. If you like George Bush, you’re an idiot these days.
Why though, after the initial joke, do people continue hating him?
Its fun to hate people. I would know, I used to do it for a living. Bringing people down is much more fun and satisfying than proclaiming them as heroes.
Will the trend die with the next President? Nah. Maybe the next one won’t be hated, but somewhere down the line, someone will call the President a fag, and others will laugh and follow along. Just you watch.
Kiddies, get a fucking opinion of your own, or be a fricking Switzerland. Stay impartial. Don’t follow the opinions of those who only know what they’re talking about when they’re drunk or dead.
Remember: The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.