Archive for March, 2007


The God of Beer

It has been three years since the God of Beer set in stone what was to become the foundation for The Union. Three long years. During that time, we have seen 3 heroes, a champion, an Infection, an ap0stle, and a freedom-fighter. We have done battle with scarlet, crimson, tan, white, black, and violet knights. A 2-headed dragon was slain, though it’s treasure was stolen. We have seen suicide, homicide, and arson. We have committed suicide, homicide, and arson. We’ve been tested by fire and by sword, and have risen above all challenges. We were scorned by all, damned by all, hated by all, and yet we have survived for three years. Three long years.
 
At times like these, I wonder what the God of Beer’s original plan was for us. Surely he must have devised The Union as a method of perserving greatness, rather than attaining it. The Screwup was meant to live forever, but that did not happen either. In rising from nothing to become the 3rd greatest known power, we made many enemies, and so now they try to drag us from grace.
 
Thrice we have nearly been destroyed, and thrice favour has spared us. The dream is dimmer than it once was, more distant, and it is colder here than it was where we sailed from.
 
God of Beer, I must ask you, what would you have me do now? It is your dream, and I am bound to it so long as I live, but if I live, I may live in vain. What would you have me do for the next three years?
 
I fear that your counsel is as distant as your soul from mine.

The Art of the Surrender

What? Kakunaman doing a reflection? What is the world coming to?!?
 
But first, a little piece on myself. The arm hurts like a S.o.B., but I’ll live, and that’s what’s important. I made a stupid mistake, and I’m paying the price for it. Whatever.
 
It was pretty depressing having to mope around the Temple when Bellij is killing off my comrades, and so I decided to venture out to go see a movie. Why not? 300 was full of blood, so I decided to go see that.
 
Excellent movie, I suggest you go see it. What really interested me though was the attitude of the Spartans. They were trained never to show pain, and never to run away or surrender. Never.
 
 
This leads me to my topic. If you’re fighting a losing battle, there are a few things you can do.
 
1. Run away
2. Surrender
3. Fight to the death
4. Suicide
 
But which is right?
 
Running away? Some will call you a coward for doing this. I, however, believe that he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. Dead men are of no use to anyone. Living men are. The key phrase is "fight another day". If you intend to come back afterwards and fight again, then by all means, run from your enemy now, so that when you face him again, you’ll be better equipped and able to slay the fucker. Yeah, you’ll be called a coward, but you’ll be alive.
 
Sometimes when we’re in battle, we’re faced with situations where we can’t run. Backed into a corner maybe, surrounded maybe, whatever. Then what? You could surrender. This option is completely unpredictable, because everyone’s enemy is different. Some will kill you on the spot, some will force you to fight against your friends, and some will force you into hard labour. Either way, you become a slave to your enemy’s will, and if you disobey them, you’ll be killed. If you obey them, you live. Is that really a life though? A great man once said: "For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself, then he has naught! To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels."
 
And sometimes, your enemy’s only wish is to smite you, removing the option of surrendering. So then, you fight to the death. You will surely die an honourable death on the battlefield, but that’s it. You may scare your enemy, but you will still die. Of course, there’s no way to survive such an encounter. The only other option you’ve got is suicide, which also leaves you dead.
 
What’s the difference between killing yourself and being killed by the enemy? Satisfaction. I’ll be frank with you here, it’s DAMNED fun to hurt people, because you can’t feel their pain. You don’t know how much you’re hurting them, and you don’t know how they feel. All you know is that they’re in pain because of you, and there are few feelings better than that. So of course, if your enemy kills you, they’re going to be giddy. If you kill yourself before they can get to you, it takes the wind out of their sails a bit.
 
And that’s what it’s all about. It doesn’t matter whether you have fun or not. Your mission in life is to prevent everyone who you call "enemy" from being satisfied. If you must kill them to achieve that, then you must do that. If your enemy is having fun, and enjoying himself, then you have failed. Yeah, sometimes it’s not fun preventing other people from having fun, but it must be done.
 
In my opinion, the order in which you should try these is:

Run away—>Suicide—>Fight to the death—>Surrender

 
 
 
Running away is always the best option. Your enemy won’t get much satisfaction from seeing you run away. He may laugh at your cowardice, but he won’t be laughing when you return and spill his blood out of holes he didn’t know he had.
 
If you can’t run, then you should off yourself. Chances are that you’re dead anyways, so why not make it by your hand, rather than the hand of your enemy?
 
If you happened to be unarmed, then go ahead and fight. You’ll give your enemy the pleasure of having killed you, but at least you won’t give him power over you.
 
Never surrender. Ever. Ever ever. Surrendering gives the enemy power over you. Having absolute power over someone is by far the greatest pleasure we can have as humans, and giving that to your enemy is quite possibly the stupidest thing you can do in your lifetime. Power over your mind and body should belong only to yourself. Keep that in mind.
 
 
 
This is only my thinking, comrades. Some people would rather surrender and keep their necks than die, but not myself. What is your opinion on the issue?

Unfortunate: The Story of Bellij

Some unfortunate news, my friends…
 
Last week, Kakunaman was wounded on the battlefield whilst combatting the forces of Bellij. I have delayed announcing this until now only because we did not know the extent of the injury until very recently. Now, I am not a medical doctor, so I will not even pretend to know all the technical terms. What I do know is that he was struck with a sword on the right shoulder. The blow was able to pierce his armour, rending the flesh, and partially cleaving the bone. From what I gather, the injury is not life threatening, but I have been told to expect at least 3 months to pass before he is in any condition to be fighting again.
 
At this time, I also feel obliged to disclose what we know about Bellij. Many of you have not even heard of him yet, so I think that I should shed some light on the situation.
 
We have been in acquaintance with Bellij since the very beginning, before The Union ever existed. In the beginning, Kakunaman and Bellij had been friends. Not close friends by any stretch, but friends. The type of friend who would be invited to birthday parties and the like, but never high on the priority list. As time began to pass, the friendship never waivered, nor did it become stronger. They remained as they always had. This was likely because Kakunaman was middle class, and Bellij was upper class. Society would not allow them to become close friends.
 
Then, at some indefinite point in time, something began to take control of Bellij. I dislike being vauge, but it was something which I cannot describe, except as evil. Bellij and his family had been going through some tough times, you see. His parents were investigating the possibility of splitting up, his brother was in some trouble with the law, and his sister was having problems with an abusive boyfriend. The adolescent Bellij then saw the extent of evil in the world, and was quite disturbed by it. It seemed to him that no matter how well behaved he was and no matter how well he performed in school and other undertakings, bad things would always happen. From this, he drew the conclusion that nothing is certain, except for the fact that there will always be evil in the world. Goodness will fade, but the evil will always be there. Bellij was the sort of person who didn’t enjoy losing very much, and so he decided to ally himself with the side which he saw as being the sure winner: evil. As well, he knew that in order for evil to become supreme, it would need to destroy all competition, namely Goodness. When this happened, all Innocence in his soul was not only corrupted, but completely obliterated from existence.
 
All of that happened over a span of about two weeks. Meanwhile, Kakunaman had gone into hiding for reasons unknown after completing operation dreamassassins, leading many (including myself and Bellij) to believe that he was dead. The God of Beer became acquainted with a violent Bellij, prone to lashing out at his peers with little cause. The God of Beer simply ignored him and concentrated on his work of founding The Union.
 
Perhaps he should have paid better attention, because during the God of Beer’s lifetime, Bellij had begun to find himself a group of followers. As well, he reasoned that he would need power if he were to succeed in blotting out Goodness. As such, he began to fashion himself an army. He sought out hapless individuals, and gave them something to accomplish in life. The vast majority of these people had also seen great evil in the world, and saw the sense in Bellij’s ideas, and so they joined him by the dozens. A chain reaction of sorts occured. As more people joined his cause, he had more people to spread his ideas to their acquaintances, which resulted in even more followers.
 
When the Screwup came into existence, he promoted hope and hard work in order to achieve a better life. Such ideas were dangerous to Bellij, lest his followers become inspired by them, and so he decided early on to have the Screwup killed. He ordered one of his closest followers, the source, to get the job done for him. The source had known Kakunaman and the God of Beer as well, and had been openly hostile towards them too, and so when he received this order, he was eager to fulfill his duty. Bellij granted the source a small percentage of his forces, and after dubbing them "The Infection", set out to kill the Second Hero of The Union. It took him 10 months, but in the end, the Screwup did succumb to the might of The Infection. To save his honour, he killed himself to avoid giving the source the satisfaction of having physically killed him.
 
Then, I came into being. I don’t think that Bellij saw me as much of a threat immediately, simply because I did not advocate the same ideas as the Screwup did. However, after a few months, Bellij saw that I should be killed too, but he decided to approach me in a different way. He thought that it would be best if he pitted my friends against me. I think that he did this because he wanted to see if my soul would be tainted as his was, and if I would join him. Alas, when I did not, he gave the order to the source to have me executed. I too attempted suicide when the source came too near, but, fortunately, I failed. Weakened as I was, the source could have killed me easily had he a few more days. What he didn’t count on, however, was Kakunaman returning to seek revenge. The source was made to regret mocking the middle class Kakunaman years before, as well as killing his leader and his friends, as these only fueled the killer instinct within Kakunaman. The source was slain, I was purged, and all seemed to be at peace.
 
Until last week. Bellij has evidently turned on his old friend. He seems to believe that Kakunaman is weak for deserting the "dark side" and befriending The Union. Kakunaman has refused an invitation to join with Bellij, and now Bellij has begun what appears to be a full out attack on The Union. Our forces, led by Kak, were able to fend off the initial attack, but at the cost of Kakunaman being injured.
 
And this is where we stand today. Bellij wishes to destroy us, so it would seem. How motivated is he to do so? Hopefully not motivated enough to send his full might against us. You see, The Union can only attract a small percentage of people to support us. Assume that the world is divided 50/50: 50% good, 50% evil. We are, of course, entirely unable to gain the support of the evil 50%, but there is also a large portion of the good 50% that we are unable to reach. Many people are considered to be good, upright citizens, but they couldn’t care less about defending Innocence and the like. Such people will never support us, because support of The Union requires thinking. Bellij cannot reach the good 50%, but the evil 50% is almost entirely available to him. Why? Because support of evil requires no thought. It requires bloodlust and hatred, but no thinking. A man who has hit rock bottom needs no persuasion to support evil, because evil is all he sees around him. An upright citizen may say "why should I leave my current life to go off and fight for Goodness when I have Goodness where I am now, without risking my life?"
 
And so Bellij’s forces outnumber out own 6:1. Even with all our allies combined, it’s still a 2:1 ratio in Bellij’s favour. Our defensive systems are formidable, but are they good enough? I don’t know, they’ve never been tested before.
 
I pray that we never need to test them, but I’m afraid that possibility is fading fast.

The First Task

Since the very beginning, I have dreamt of uniting the Good Old Days and the New Era. It was an impossible task, up until very recently. I took the advice of a certain individual, and took the initiative to obliterate the obstacles without outside help. It was a daunting task, to say the least. However, somehow, all worked out well. The two eras were successfully united tonight, and I experienced for myself what the Good Old Days were like, to some extent. Now, It didn’t go perfectly, as there were several key items missing, but under the circumstances, I did as well as I could, and that is what counts in this situation. Success and fun were both present tonight, my friends.
 
The first task, uniting the eras, is complete. There are still two tasks left to perform.